Parental Rights Under Attack

I was first alerted to this issue by an email from a friend.  Upon further study, I was surprised to find it continues to fly under the radar of even the Christian media.  

The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) is a treaty which is being considered for ratification by the United States.  Under the terms of this treaty, parental rights would be replaced by "the best interests of the child" as defined by an international committee of 18 people in Switzerland.  

According to the ParentalRights.org website, government agencies would have the power to override your parental choices at their whim because they determine what is in "the best interest of the child."   

For example, if your child complains to his school counselor that you make him go to church against his will, a case could be made against you claiming that church is not in the child's best interest.  "This means that the burden of proof falls on the parent to prove to the State that they are good parents - when it should fall upon the State to prove that their investigation is not without cause."  (ParentalRights.org)

Judges across the United States are already denying parental rights.  Others refuse to recognize them because they are not explicitly protection in the United States Constitution.  ParentalRights. org seeks to add a constitutional amendment that "will ensure that the rights of parents to raise their children are honored by federal court judges and recognized above international law."  

I strongly advise you to become educated on this important issue and inform your elected representatives of your position.   

For more information, visit www.parentalrights.org.  

Hold on to your kids

"Parents are the pride of their children."  Proverbs 17:6b

Dr. Gabor Mate, co-author of the book Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Kids, offers a unique perspective on Attention Deficit Disorder.  He believes the root of the problem is not always a need for medication, but instead a damaged or missing relationship with a caring adult.  Current economic stresses, Mate says, may pull even more parents away from their children, with the need for parents to work a second job or longer hours.  

From the article below:

"There's nothing in the child's brain that says their attachment must be to mommy and daddy. There's no circuit that says that's the way it must be,"

So when parents are absent, or shut down an opportunity to build their relationship with their children, the kids seek that attachment from elsewhere-- if they're lucky another adult, but more commonplace in these times that child will seek that attachment from his or her peers.

That attachment happens physically and emotionally, through copying behaviour and through the dynamic of belonging and loyalty. But Mate said peers are ill equipped to provide the unconditional, loving relationship only parents or another caring adult can provide.

"Peers aren't meant to be Mother Nature's nurturers because they're immature," Mate said. "It takes a lot of maturity to stand for unconditional devotion even in difficult times. As a result, kids live with a lot of dissing, bullying, ostracization and avoidance... when that happens, development shuts down."

Theories aside, we all know how important the parent-child relationship is.  God Himself is a loving Father and a perfect role model for parenting.  One of his characteristics is His omnipresence.  He is always with us, always holding on to us.  

Even though we cannot be omnipresent to our children, we can make sure we fully present when we are with them.  Hold on tight.  

Children and teens out of control

Am I listening?

Life After High School:  The First Year by Derek Melleby

I've had this article from the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (CPYU) tickled for sometime and just got around to reading it today.  On the back of yesterday's post, I'd say it timed out well.  Melleby interviewed Tim Clydesdale, a sociology professor at The College of New Jersey and author of The First Year Out:  Understanding American Teens After High School.  Dr. Clydesdale conducted a six-year study following students from high school into their first year after high school.  

Here are a few excerpts:

CPYU: What was the most surprising thing you learned about teenagers from your research?

TC: I would say it was how open teens were to talking to a sympathetic adult listener. It was as if they yearned for a sounding board—a listening and engaged ear—and once they found it in the interview room, they poured out their hearts. Neither their parents nor their peers provided an unfettered place in which the teens could talk; it seems that the adults in teens’ lives were more interested in telling them something than they were in listening to them, and that friends were likewise so caught up in their own concerns they didn’t listen very much either. This reveals something about American culture—that we nurture individuals so consumed with themselves that we as a culture are losing our desire if not our ability to listen. Even well-meaning folks like teachers, parents and youth pastors get so caught up in conveying a set of ideas that they rarely let up on the barrage of information. Teens are drowning in competing claims for allegiance, and no one, it seems, is providing the time and space to sort through all of this.

CPYU: You write, “Few and far between are teens whose lives are shaped by purpose, who demonstrate direction, who recognize their interdependence with communities small and large, or who think about what it means to live in the biggest house in the global village.” Did you notice any difference with Christian students you interviewed, or would you say that this is true for most teens, regardless of religious affiliation?

TC: I found this to be true of most Christian students, even those who say their faith is “very important” to them. It seems most Christian students want to keep their faith in a nice safe box: they attend church, they read the Bible & pray, but they largely pursue the same work-spend-borrow-consume lifestyle that their non-Christian peers do. The majority of Christian teens are content to sprinkle their suburban middle-class aspirations with evangelical faith (again, not unlike most adult evangelicals). I did find some Christian teens (say 10-25 percent) who are open to questioning whether these suburban aspirations represent the life of radical discipleship to which Jesus calls his followers. Such teens want to think deeply about their faith and engage it with the wider world. Unfortunately, few of these youth possess the mentorship that nurtures this sort of faith development, and without it, the tug of work-spend-borrow-consume may ultimately prevail.

CPYU: “College transition” is currently a hot topic in youth ministry these days. Churches are reporting that more and more students walk away from the faith during the college years. What do you think are the implications of your research for youth pastors as they prepare students in their youth groups for college?

TC: Those who “walked away” from their faith during college made the decision to do so long before their college years—they just waited for the freedom of college to enact that choice. In many cases, these teens reported having important questions regarding faith during early adolescence (12-14 years old) that were ignored by their parents or pastors rather than taken seriously and engaged thoughtfully. It is in early adolescence that faith trajectories (along with other life trajectories) are set, thus early adolescence is the point when preparation must occur. 

Less Than 1 Percent of Young Adults Hold Biblical Worldview

As the parent of a high school senior, I've been trying to prepare my daughter for college and "the real world."  She can attest that I'm always sending her articles or making her read books that I believe will help her stay strong in her faith once she is away from home.  

She will be getting the link to this article.  Even though I'm not naive about the post modern world, I was pretty surprised by these statistics.  Christian parents who DO hold a biblical worldview better sit up and take note.  

Less Than 1 Percent of Young Adults Hold Biblical Worldview

Quote of the day

"If I could wave a magic wand and make it so, I would have a mandatory parent night of education through the Department of Education to teach parents how to be parents.” -- Retired Hanover (MA) Police Chief Paul Hayes

Motherhood as vocation

Stay-at-home moms, that's what they call us.  Came across this article about women who make motherhood their full-time profession.  Enjoy!

Motherhood as vocation

The power of forgiveness

We all have those days.  Someone has been irritating you all day, whether it be a spouse, a coworker, or a relative.  Perhaps you have a teen who knows exactly how to push your buttons, and perhaps you have a way of getting on your child's nerves as well.  What happens when the button pushed leads to a nuclear explosion?  

Author and media expert Al Menconi shares an encouraging story from his own parenting experiences:  

"One day Annie and I were having a rough time communicating.  It seemed like we were pushing each other’s buttons all day. I’ve forgotten the circumstances but the last straw happened when I was putting her to bed.  She was rude and disrespectful and said something snotty. I lost my cool and slapped her face. 

Of course she started crying loudly.  My wife came into the room and started closing the windows so the neighbors wouldn’t think we were beating our kids. My younger daughter, Allison, thought she was being funny by yelling, “Child abuse, child abuse!”  Looking back now, it all seems like a scene from a bad sitcom.  I wasn’t laughing.

I was angry; a ten-year-old shouldn’t talk to her father like that! Annie continued to sob.  Jan wondered out loud if we should send Annie to school the next day because her cheek was red from my slap.  What would they think?  I was devastated at my lack of control.

There was only one thing to do.  After I calmed down, I went into Annie’s room and apologized.  I told her what she did was wrong but my response was worse.  Much worse.  I asked her if she would forgive me.  She stopped crying, forgave me, and we hugged as she went to bed. 

Recently, I talked with my adult daughters about various illustrations from their childhood for an upcoming book on parenting.  When I brought up the slapping incident, Annie couldn’t remember if it was she or Allison who was slapped. 

Can you believe it?  Here was a situation that devastated me for years and the victim of my slap didn’t even remember it happening.  I really believe humbly asking for her forgiveness erased it from her memory.  In case you are thinking she forgot because it happened so many years ago, let me share another incident that tells you about her memory. 

When Annie was in first grade, she aced all her spelling words as I quizzed her the night before her test.  The next day, she missed the word “brought” on the test by spelling it “bought.” She forgot the “R.” She blamed me for teaching her the wrong word. I good-naturedly told her she was responsible for her misspelling, but she insisted it was my fault. I never apologized because I thought it was funny.  Neither of us got angry, but neither of us would admit being wrong either.

You would think she would forget a little misspelled word from twenty-five years before.  Wrong!  If you asked her today which word Dad got wrong in her first grade spelling test, she will tell you “brought.”

There is nothing wrong with her memory.  The only difference between the two incidents is I apologized after I slapping her and didn’t after her spelling error."

What a great reminder of Proverbs 11:2:  "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."