Redeeming the influence of Grandma

“For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.” Colossians 2:9-10

Summer has a way of stirring up childhood memories for me, as if the piercing sunlight illuminates those pockets of recollection.

The cool and bright morning today found me recalling many wonderful summer weeks spent with my grandmother. My grandma was not your typical grandma. She was feisty, fun, and full of life.

No one could make me laugh like Grandma Jess. I can still hear her throaty laugh, often accompanied by a coughing fit (that’s what half a century of smoking will do to you). She couldn’t wait to get the grandkids without their parents so she could show us a good time. All the things we not allowed to do at home, Grandma made sure we got to do at her house. In order to spare my mother, I won’t list them all here...though I suspect she knows anyway!

You see, I grew up in a fairly strict Christian home. Grandma, though I know she believed in God, did not buy into religion or moral law. She was a rule breaker. She grew up in the rural Midwest on a farm. She married young, and she and Grandpa both partied hard. Smoking, drinking, swearing, fighting and cheating. This was in the 1920’s and 1930’s, when such behavior was considered quite scandalous.

Grandma eventually left Grandpa, taking their two children and moving to Omaha. She quit drinking but still lived a pretty wild life for awhile. Years later, she married a military man and lived in several places around the world, but ended up settled back in Omaha.

Her past shaped her into a tough woman, and most people were afraid to cross her. But as fierce as her temper could be, her love was just as intense. You always knew Grandma loved you. When she talked to you, she was genuinely interested in your life, your hopes and dreams. She gave fervent hugs; to this day, I still associate the smells of Tabu and cigarette smoke with being held in her arms.

Until her health declined, she still knew how to have a good time. She could find humor in almost anything, usually by making fun of it. I remember going for walks or laying in bed at night, and all we did was laugh.

Looking back now, I’m somewhat amazed my parents even allowed me to hang out with her. Let’s face it, she wasn’t exactly a godly influence! But I’m so glad they did, because I’m pretty sure she cultivated some good character traits in me. I believe my ability to connect with teenagers grew out of my relationship with Grandma. I think I learned to love people in spite of their bad behavior through knowing Grandma. And I know without a doubt that she taught me how to loosen up and have fun.

Reflecting on all of this reminds me that I don’t have to be so protective of my children. God redeemed what appeared to be profane and turned it into something beautiful. He did it in my life, and He can do it in my children’s lives too.

Sex Talk: I Agree With Kim Cattrall?

I agree with Kim Cattrall. There's a statement I never thought I'd make. Even more surprising, I agree with something she said about sex.

In an interview with the Telegraph, the actress reportedly said that her show "Sex And The City" helps parents find a way to broach the topic of sex with their teenagers. And I agree.

Now before you get upset and send me hate mail, let me explain. I'm not suggesting you encourage your teens to watch SATC just so you can have a conversation about sex. However, let's face it, many of them have seen the show and/or the movies. If your teen has, it is indeed a great way to open up the topic of sex. In particular, it's a great way to illustrate the pitfalls of not following God's plan in the area of sexuality. The women of SATC have been pursuing a lifestyle of casual, unmarried sex for...how many years? And where has it gotten them? Most of the time they are miserable and angst-ridden, and that depiction is at least true-to-life.

Shows like SATC can actually open dialogue about ways to deal with living counter to the secular world. Most Christian teens want to be "in the world, not of it," but we can never assume they know how to do that.

As Christians, we spend an awful lot of time complaining about the culture. I say it's time we use it to our advantage.

How dads show their love - and how they can do it better

I'll never forget my first car - a yellow Volkswagen bug without working heat. I got it in college (yes, that's right, in the days when turning 16 didn't mean you were entitled to receive a car!). It wasn't much, but it got me from point A to point B.

After I got the car, every time I would call home, I got frustrated with my dad because all he wanted to talk about was the car. He wanted to know if it was running ok, if I had changed the oil and checked the tire pressure, and if I had shopped around for the best insurance. I began to think he cared more about the car than he did about me!

Years later, someone explained to me that this is one way fathers express their love for their children. When a dad asks about your car, he's really saying, "I love you and want to make sure you are safe and taken care of."

After reading the article below, I believe this is another way dads express their love - through teaching. Dads love to share their wisdom and their greatest parenting successes are often wrapped up in a skill they've taught their child.

Just like I got frustrated with my dad, many kids get frustrated over being "taught" by their fathers. They don't understand the love behind the action, and they desire to be loved for who they are, not who they might become.

If any teens are reading this, I hope you will give your dads a huge dose of grace by realizing their actions are motivated by love. Dads, you are important and needed, and I hope this article helps you focus on enjoying your child, just as he or she is.

Does Everything Have to Be a Learning Experience?

How to protect your kids from revealing their location on social networks

Locational Apps: Tips for Parents

Helping our daughters discern the truth about beauty

A great friend sent me the link to this fabulous blog post entitled, "Who Is the Beholder of Your Beauty?"

Those of us with daughters are constantly battling society's messages in regards to physical beauty, and it is so important to help our girls grow up with a God-centered view of themselves. The author eloquently points her daughter in the right direction, while rightly admitting how difficult that can be in the light of self-examination!

Social networks that are not for kids

Just came across this excellent link to Common Sense Media's review of some newer social networks that present a potential danger to teens and pre-teens.

From the article:

"New programs called social mapping applications use geographic information to connect people to specific places, as well as to each other. You may have heard of some of the most popular ones: Loopt, foursquare, and Gowalla. Once you join up, these applications track every movement you make. And that's what makes social mapping a no-go for kids and teens. These programs bring up two big issues: safety and privacy. Since they follow your location, they expose your kid's whereabouts to anyone they "friend" -- or, in some cases, to any other user of the program."

For the full article, click here: Beyond Facebook: Social Networking Gets Really Personal

Consequences of a moral fall...for teens

I am very excited to post an article co-written by my former pastor and good friend, Dr. David Holt. This one is worth printing off for your teens. :)

Consequences of a moral fall … for teens

Dr. David Holt & Lisa Grant

Recently I (David) put Randy Alcorn’s article from an old Leadership magazine titled “Consequences of a Moral Fall” on my blog. In this article, Alcorn gives a long list of possible consequences if he were to have an affair. He said he found it helpful to review this list any time he felt particularly vulnerable or tempted to sin.

After reading my blog, Lisa Grant (who has her own blog for parents of teens) asked if I knew of such a list for teens who struggle with sexual temptation. I told her I did not, but we should come up with one together. Thus, this blog that Lisa and I are writing together.

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Every day, teens must manage the transition from childhood impulsivity to adult self-control. Raging hormones and societal or peer pressure only add fuel to the fire in the area of sexual temptation.

When I (Lisa) counsel young Christian women, I advise them to develop a list of standards before they begin dating. This might include situations to avoid, how far they will go, and how they plan to keep themselves accountable. The list below would be additionally helpful to carry on a date, serving as reminders of the potential fallout of giving in to temptation.

CONSQUENCES OF SEXUAL SIN FOR YOUNG PEOPLE

If I have premarital sex or go too far with someone, here are some possible consequences of that act:

1. Possible pregnancy and all the responsibilities that come with having a child, as well as possibly affecting my future education and career.

2. Experiencing a guilty conscience.

3. Weight of responsibility for causing another to sin.

4. Having a difficult time erasing the sin from my memory. God forgives and forgets my sin, but I will never forget.

5. Developing a “soul tie” (an unhealthy emotional and spiritual attachment) with the person I am intimate with. It’s like giving away a piece of my heart, and I will never get it back.

6. The danger of giving myself to someone who has not made a life-long commitment to me.

7. Probably needing to tell my future spouse at the time of engagement and the embarrassment that comes from this.

8. The possibility of acquiring a sexually transmitted disease, which, if not cured, could be passed on to anyone else I have relations with, including my future spouse. Remember, when I have sex with someone, it is as if I am having sex with everyone they have had sex with.

9. The loss of a special wedding night.

10. Once married, the regret that I was with someone other than my spouse.

11. The poor example and possible cause of hindrance to all my friends who learn about this. There may even be a loss of friendships.

12. Causing disappointment and shame to my parents, as well as loss of trust.

13. Damaging my credibility with younger siblings or others who look up to me.

14. Loss of dignity and regard for self.

15. Most importantly, it will hinder my relationship with God – as all sin does.

Let us be very clear - if you have already fallen into sexual sin, there is forgiveness and healing available through the blood of Jesus Christ. He, and He alone, can cleanse at the deepest level. “If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive our sin and to cleanse of all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). “He who conceals his sin shall not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes it shall find mercy” (Proverbs 28:13).

There will still be consequences for your sin, but your relationship with God can be fully restored, and you can be given a fresh start. Often, it is additionally helpful to share your struggle with a trusted friend who can help you through the healing process. “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16).

Finally, as you seek to move beyond your sin, remember that you cannot do it in your own power. You need to be filled with the Holy Spirit each and every day if you want to live in obedience to God and resist the many temptations that will come your way.

May God bless you as you remain in the one true love, the love of Jesus Christ.