The power of forgiveness

We all have those days.  Someone has been irritating you all day, whether it be a spouse, a coworker, or a relative.  Perhaps you have a teen who knows exactly how to push your buttons, and perhaps you have a way of getting on your child's nerves as well.  What happens when the button pushed leads to a nuclear explosion?  

Author and media expert Al Menconi shares an encouraging story from his own parenting experiences:  

"One day Annie and I were having a rough time communicating.  It seemed like we were pushing each other’s buttons all day. I’ve forgotten the circumstances but the last straw happened when I was putting her to bed.  She was rude and disrespectful and said something snotty. I lost my cool and slapped her face. 

Of course she started crying loudly.  My wife came into the room and started closing the windows so the neighbors wouldn’t think we were beating our kids. My younger daughter, Allison, thought she was being funny by yelling, “Child abuse, child abuse!”  Looking back now, it all seems like a scene from a bad sitcom.  I wasn’t laughing.

I was angry; a ten-year-old shouldn’t talk to her father like that! Annie continued to sob.  Jan wondered out loud if we should send Annie to school the next day because her cheek was red from my slap.  What would they think?  I was devastated at my lack of control.

There was only one thing to do.  After I calmed down, I went into Annie’s room and apologized.  I told her what she did was wrong but my response was worse.  Much worse.  I asked her if she would forgive me.  She stopped crying, forgave me, and we hugged as she went to bed. 

Recently, I talked with my adult daughters about various illustrations from their childhood for an upcoming book on parenting.  When I brought up the slapping incident, Annie couldn’t remember if it was she or Allison who was slapped. 

Can you believe it?  Here was a situation that devastated me for years and the victim of my slap didn’t even remember it happening.  I really believe humbly asking for her forgiveness erased it from her memory.  In case you are thinking she forgot because it happened so many years ago, let me share another incident that tells you about her memory. 

When Annie was in first grade, she aced all her spelling words as I quizzed her the night before her test.  The next day, she missed the word “brought” on the test by spelling it “bought.” She forgot the “R.” She blamed me for teaching her the wrong word. I good-naturedly told her she was responsible for her misspelling, but she insisted it was my fault. I never apologized because I thought it was funny.  Neither of us got angry, but neither of us would admit being wrong either.

You would think she would forget a little misspelled word from twenty-five years before.  Wrong!  If you asked her today which word Dad got wrong in her first grade spelling test, she will tell you “brought.”

There is nothing wrong with her memory.  The only difference between the two incidents is I apologized after I slapping her and didn’t after her spelling error."

What a great reminder of Proverbs 11:2:  "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."