Hold on to your kids

"Parents are the pride of their children."  Proverbs 17:6b

Dr. Gabor Mate, co-author of the book Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Kids, offers a unique perspective on Attention Deficit Disorder.  He believes the root of the problem is not always a need for medication, but instead a damaged or missing relationship with a caring adult.  Current economic stresses, Mate says, may pull even more parents away from their children, with the need for parents to work a second job or longer hours.  

From the article below:

"There's nothing in the child's brain that says their attachment must be to mommy and daddy. There's no circuit that says that's the way it must be,"

So when parents are absent, or shut down an opportunity to build their relationship with their children, the kids seek that attachment from elsewhere-- if they're lucky another adult, but more commonplace in these times that child will seek that attachment from his or her peers.

That attachment happens physically and emotionally, through copying behaviour and through the dynamic of belonging and loyalty. But Mate said peers are ill equipped to provide the unconditional, loving relationship only parents or another caring adult can provide.

"Peers aren't meant to be Mother Nature's nurturers because they're immature," Mate said. "It takes a lot of maturity to stand for unconditional devotion even in difficult times. As a result, kids live with a lot of dissing, bullying, ostracization and avoidance... when that happens, development shuts down."

Theories aside, we all know how important the parent-child relationship is.  God Himself is a loving Father and a perfect role model for parenting.  One of his characteristics is His omnipresence.  He is always with us, always holding on to us.  

Even though we cannot be omnipresent to our children, we can make sure we fully present when we are with them.  Hold on tight.  

Children and teens out of control

Am I listening?

Life After High School:  The First Year by Derek Melleby

I've had this article from the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (CPYU) tickled for sometime and just got around to reading it today.  On the back of yesterday's post, I'd say it timed out well.  Melleby interviewed Tim Clydesdale, a sociology professor at The College of New Jersey and author of The First Year Out:  Understanding American Teens After High School.  Dr. Clydesdale conducted a six-year study following students from high school into their first year after high school.  

Here are a few excerpts:

CPYU: What was the most surprising thing you learned about teenagers from your research?

TC: I would say it was how open teens were to talking to a sympathetic adult listener. It was as if they yearned for a sounding board—a listening and engaged ear—and once they found it in the interview room, they poured out their hearts. Neither their parents nor their peers provided an unfettered place in which the teens could talk; it seems that the adults in teens’ lives were more interested in telling them something than they were in listening to them, and that friends were likewise so caught up in their own concerns they didn’t listen very much either. This reveals something about American culture—that we nurture individuals so consumed with themselves that we as a culture are losing our desire if not our ability to listen. Even well-meaning folks like teachers, parents and youth pastors get so caught up in conveying a set of ideas that they rarely let up on the barrage of information. Teens are drowning in competing claims for allegiance, and no one, it seems, is providing the time and space to sort through all of this.

CPYU: You write, “Few and far between are teens whose lives are shaped by purpose, who demonstrate direction, who recognize their interdependence with communities small and large, or who think about what it means to live in the biggest house in the global village.” Did you notice any difference with Christian students you interviewed, or would you say that this is true for most teens, regardless of religious affiliation?

TC: I found this to be true of most Christian students, even those who say their faith is “very important” to them. It seems most Christian students want to keep their faith in a nice safe box: they attend church, they read the Bible & pray, but they largely pursue the same work-spend-borrow-consume lifestyle that their non-Christian peers do. The majority of Christian teens are content to sprinkle their suburban middle-class aspirations with evangelical faith (again, not unlike most adult evangelicals). I did find some Christian teens (say 10-25 percent) who are open to questioning whether these suburban aspirations represent the life of radical discipleship to which Jesus calls his followers. Such teens want to think deeply about their faith and engage it with the wider world. Unfortunately, few of these youth possess the mentorship that nurtures this sort of faith development, and without it, the tug of work-spend-borrow-consume may ultimately prevail.

CPYU: “College transition” is currently a hot topic in youth ministry these days. Churches are reporting that more and more students walk away from the faith during the college years. What do you think are the implications of your research for youth pastors as they prepare students in their youth groups for college?

TC: Those who “walked away” from their faith during college made the decision to do so long before their college years—they just waited for the freedom of college to enact that choice. In many cases, these teens reported having important questions regarding faith during early adolescence (12-14 years old) that were ignored by their parents or pastors rather than taken seriously and engaged thoughtfully. It is in early adolescence that faith trajectories (along with other life trajectories) are set, thus early adolescence is the point when preparation must occur. 

Less Than 1 Percent of Young Adults Hold Biblical Worldview

As the parent of a high school senior, I've been trying to prepare my daughter for college and "the real world."  She can attest that I'm always sending her articles or making her read books that I believe will help her stay strong in her faith once she is away from home.  

She will be getting the link to this article.  Even though I'm not naive about the post modern world, I was pretty surprised by these statistics.  Christian parents who DO hold a biblical worldview better sit up and take note.  

Less Than 1 Percent of Young Adults Hold Biblical Worldview