Having "the talk" with girls about romance

Hardly a day goes by that I don't see research or yet another article reminding me to talk to my teenager about sex.

I have yet to see an article suggesting I talk to my daughter about romance.

When I was her age (13), I was not very interested in sex. But I was definitely interested in romance. My mind played a thousand scenarios a day of various boyfriends. They would say the sweetest things to me, look lovingly into my eyes, and hold me in just the right way. These imaginary lovers never pressured me to have sex. They just LOVED me. And let's face it, that's what most females want: to be loved.

My desire to be loved was only fueled by soap operas (daytime and nighttime) and romance novels. My own mother never saw anything wrong with these things; she indulged in them herself. Maybe they weren't dangerous for her. But they drove me into a fantasy world where no real-life man could compete. I began to set expectations that were unrealistic, without even realizing it.

I can honestly say, those mind games were a large factor in ruining my first marriage, which happened at a young age. Eventually, I grew up and learned what was real, but I still grieved for that which might never be.

So I am here today to tell you, before you ever have the sex talk with your daughter, have the romance talk first. If you watch romantic movies or shows together, help her distinguish between what is realistic and what is not. Help her understand what men are really like, putting aside any personal vendettas. Show her what she should expect realistically, and what is merely fantasy.

Someday, you'll still need to have the sex talk. But this will go a long way for now.

Girls more likely to use alcohol/drugs to cope

"She's so moody! Must be hormones." I hear this a lot from parents of teen girls. Yes, young ladies can be all over the map emotionally, but there is usually more to the story than a raging case of PMS. Coming of age is a bit like standing at the edge of a cliff on your tiptoes; one stiff wind and you don't know which way you might be blown. Girls need parents standing between them and that cliff. And this latest research cautions us to be more vigilant than ever.

I'll post the links below, but here's the summation: teenage girls are more likely than teenage boys to perceive potential benefits from drug use and drinking, making teen girls more vulnerable to drug and alcohol abuse. More than two-thirds of teen girls responded positively to the question “using drugs helps kids deal with problems at home” and more than half reported that drugs help teens forget their troubles. Stress has been identified as a key factor leading to drinking, smoking and drug use among girls and more than three times as many young girls as boys reported having symptoms of depression in 2008.

"We've become a society that basically says, 'If things aren't perfect in your life, take a pill,' " says Calvina Fay, executive director of the Drug Free America Foundation. "This causes our young people to see drugs as an answer."

“Parents of teen girls have to be especially attentive to their daughters’ moods and mental health needs, which can have a direct effect on their child’s decision to risk her health by getting high and drinking,” said Partnership for a Drug-Free America President and CEO Steve Pasierb. “Parents can help prevent alcohol and drug abuse by recognizing and addressing their daughters’ worries and stresses, by supporting her positive decisions and by taking immediate action if they suspect or know she has been experimenting with drugs and alcohol.”

Here's what you can do:

1) Spend time with your daughter. The more you get to know her, the more in tune you will be with her moods and emotions.

2) Teach her how to handle emotionally-charged situations in a way that honors God. Moms, that means setting a good example!

3) Pray together during those highly moody times. This teaches her to give it to God. Remind her that emotions are temporary and not always accurate indicators of truth.

4) Have an ongoing conversation at your house about the rules and consequences of drug/alcohol use. This should include talking about how dangerous it can be to use drugs or alcohol as an escape from problems.

5) Ask God daily to protect your daughter from temptations.

Teen girls say kids more likely to drink, do drugs to cope

National Study: New Data Show Teen Girls More Likely to See Benefits in Drug and Alcohol Use