Saying this makes me feel old, but it's relevant, so I'll chance it. My parents had it so much easier. I had basically three ways to communicate with my friends: talking in person, writing a note or letter, or talking on the phone. There was only one phone in the house, which was attached to the wall on a limited cord, so privacy was at a minimum. Still, I often found the need to climb into the hall closet to talk to my friends.
Our kids have a host of ways to foster private communication. First it was AIM, then MySpace, now texting. All great ways to communicate, but equally dangerous. The question is: how much privacy is too much? With all the publicity about "sexting", should we be monitoring our kids' text messages? Is there even a right answer?
For parents, it's a matter of privacy vs. safety. Teens generally view it as a matter of control and/or lack of trust.
Let's talk about it. Parents, do you think it's OK to sneak a peek at your child's text messages? Kids, what do you say?
10 comments:
Anytime I ask my boys who they are texting with or what's going on, they tell me. At their age, it's usually just dumb stuff still. If they got quiet about it or tried to be secretive, then yes, I'd probably take a look at it. Often times they just show me because whatever it is it's just not that important. But as they get older and their lives more complicated than I'd have to say yes, I have every right to check up on them if I am concerned.
I think it depends on the teen and other "signs" or behaviors we are seeing in them. What is our trust level? Some teens share a lot and even the "not so good stuff". Other teens tell us only what they think we want to hear. I have used some spyware on my computer to know what they are up to and I have looked at their text messages, without them knowing. It just depends on what else is going on. I agree that as parents we not only have the right, but a responsibility to "snoop" if the situation warrants. We do however, have to be careful of breaking or reducing their trust in us. It is a two way street. If they don't trust us, they aren't going to be open & share stuff with us.
i think the right question is - should parents be buying their kids cell phones to text on ?
i didn't have a phone until i was driving
and i didn't have texting until i was almost 19 years old.
of course i was still a troublesome teen.
so whatevs
but still
i dont see what a 13 year old needs a cell phone for.
I agree, there is absolutely no reason that a teen needs a phone until he is driving and out at night. The thirteen year olds I know with cell phones do a lot of goofing off with them--crank calls, silly texts, and so forth. Cell phones create one more barrier between us and our kids' lives--we no longer have the opportunity to chat briefly with the friend who calls asking for our child, and really don't even know who is calling or when. I'm on the fence about looking at their text messages, but lean towards the privacy side of the argument. As long as our kids aren't giving us any reason to distrust them, are keeping up the grades and behaving appropriately,give them their space, and they'll usually live up to our trust in them.
I check occasionally because I can. I gave permission to use the technology and I'll monitor the use of it. They know that I do it and it's part of the "deal". We have very open discussion on the benefits and dangers of technology and they know that I have the ability to shut them down. I also know they have the ability to create and use, to a certain extent, without me knowing if they want to get creative. So the trust factor is huge. At the end of the day I'm still the parent and I do check; in my situation the checking has allowed me to be more trusting; they're being very responsible and I'm grateful for that.
I'm ok with my 13 year old have a cell phone. My son has a pre paid phone so he knows he only has so much time on it. We have three kids and it seems everyone is always going in a different direction. When you live in a large city it's nice to know that you can get ahold of your kids if you are running late or if they need you sooner. We also have deaf relatives in our family so texting is the best way to communicate with them. I think it depends on the how responsible the child is. It's worked well for us and with very minimal cost.
If the kid is acting out of character and the parent is concerned, I think that they should.
Unless the parent has a very valid reason to believe the child is doing harm to himself and the texting will reveal that, the parent should leave the texts alone. This is a privacy issue- texts are conversations. Privacy is a human/legal right that all Americans have. Just because the person is a minor does not mean they don't deserve privacy. The child deserves to have his own life and deal with issues that don't always concern the parent. In fact, as a parent, you should want that for your child, or he will never grow to be an adequate adult. Even if the parent is paying the phone bill, that does not give him the right to snoop for the simple purpose of "checking up." Parents finance a child's bedroom, but does that give them the right to go through all of the child's things? Let your kid be independent- you will both be thankful for it later. All you have to do is love him enough to know when something's really wrong and take action.
Sound like you've hit a nerve with this post!
I agree with those who say it depends on what else is going on and who the teen is. Some teens, like adults, are more trustworthy than others. If I didn't trust my teen with texting, she either wouldn't have a cell phone or I'd make sure she didn't have a texting option.
Well- as far as a 13 yr old having a cell phone, we got our daughter one once she was in activities where I may not be. Now that is few and far between, because I am a highly participatory mom. But I want her to be able to call me at the drop of a hat to perhaps get her out of a sticky situation, or if she gets sick, needs a ride,...the list could go on. She doesn't use the phone at home, she uses the landline. Now as far as texting, we did get this for her as a special reward for a 4.0 on her report card for 2 quarters. We told her off the bat we can and we will check her texts. We have had an occassion to take it away for a week when either she or someone else texted something we deemed inappropriate. (We are very conservative)She knew getting into this that we are the parents and will do what we feel necessary. We don't check them often. When we do it is when we see a change in behavior that sets off red flags. All in all we are blessed to have a daughter we can trust. But we do recommend highly that parents stay in their teens lives to the nth degree. Reading texts, emails, etc. That is our job. Regardless if the teen likes it or not.
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