Torturing teenagers for entertainment

I don't necessarily agree with the comparison made in the article, "Torturing Terrorists for National Security? Bad.  Torturing Teenagers for Entertainment? OK."  However, this article is worth the read, particularly if you allow your teens to view horror movies (and you don't see them yourself).  

I am fortunate that my girls are not interested in seeing these types of movies, but if they were, they'd have a tough time selling me on the idea.  I watched horror movies in my teens and wish I hadn't.  Even though most of the horror movies of those days were pretty hokey and unrealistic, they still invited a spirit of fear and left graphic visual images I will never be able to erase.  

If kids can show me a way that watching these movies will glorify God, I'll get on board.  Until then, I will continue to discourage teens (and parents) from supporting an industry that has total disregard for the mental health of our children.  

In case you don't feel like reading the whole article, here are few quotes:

"“To me, it’s aesthetic, not a question of society. There is nothing you can do wrong in a movie.” --Quentin Tarantino, when asked if the use of graphic violence in film is a good thing for society

"'Saw’ was a huge hit, proving that mainstream audiences have an appetite for sadism – at least if it's cleverly conceived."  -- Time's Rebecca Winters Keegan

“[Musician/director Rob] Zombie says in his movies, violence is not gratuitous – it’s the point.” --NPR's Neda Ulaby

  

Should parents read kids' text messages?

Saying this makes me feel old, but it's relevant, so I'll chance it.   My parents had it so much easier.  I had basically three ways to communicate with my friends: talking in person, writing a note or letter, or talking on the phone.  There was only one phone in the house, which was attached to the wall on a limited cord, so privacy was at a minimum.  Still, I often found the need to climb into the hall closet to talk to my friends.  

Our kids have a host of ways to foster private communication.  First it was AIM, then MySpace, now texting.  All great ways to communicate, but equally dangerous.  The question is: how much privacy is too much?   With all the publicity about "sexting", should we be monitoring our kids' text messages?  Is there even a right answer?

For parents, it's a matter of privacy vs. safety.  Teens generally view it as a matter of control and/or lack of trust.  

Let's talk about it.  Parents, do you think it's OK to sneak a peek at your child's text messages? Kids, what do you say?  

Hazing in high school

Most of us have heard stories of hazing in college, particularly in fraternities and sororities, but you may be unaware of similar occurrences in high school. A recent study showed nearly half of all high school students have been hazed, and that number is similar to the last study done in 2000.  

Any time teen life is portrayed in the media, whether in a movie or a study such as this, it's interesting to hear perspectives from teens themselves.  The hazing reported included anything from silly stunts to drinking games, leaving the interpretation of the word "hazing" wide open. I'd be curious to hear interpretations of the data from teens out there:  are the statistics realistic or overblown?    

Parents, this is a great conversation starter.  Ask your teens what they think about the numbers, and ask if they have ever been part of a hazing incident (on either the giving or receiving end). 

USA Today article:  Nearly half of high schoolers have been hazed 

Morning after pill approved for 17-year-olds

"I, even I, am the Lord, and apart from me there is no savior."  Isaiah 43:11

When, oh when, will America learn?  Shouldn't it be obvious? We have the highest teen pregnancy rate among the most developed countries in the world, so handing yet another form of birth control to our kids is ludicrous.  And yet, the FDA has now made the "morning after" contraceptive available to 17-year-olds without a prescription.  What just happened here?  

The president of Planned Parenthood called the decision "commonsense policy." Commonsense?  Is anyone really believing that?  Never mind the moral implications here.  I don't need to tread that road with all of you.  We know better.  

Why just 17-year-olds?  Does the FDA care about our 17-year-olds?  Unlikely.  Do they care about the pharmaceutical industry?  More than our kids, most certainly.  The saddest part of all is the message it sends to our girls.  In essence, they are being told, "You are God over your body and your life."  

One has to wonder what would happen if the government went after the numerous industries that are sexualizing our girls at such a young age, in particular the media.  Not likely to happen though, is it?  The media would hate to report on the horrors of...the media.  :)

Moms, Dads, hang in there.  Keep fighting those messages your daughters are bombarded with every day. Keep reminding them, He is the Lord, and apart from Him there is no savior.  Not a pill, not a boy, not the government.  

Praying for you and your children,

Lisa 

  

Parental Rights Under Attack

I was first alerted to this issue by an email from a friend.  Upon further study, I was surprised to find it continues to fly under the radar of even the Christian media.  

The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) is a treaty which is being considered for ratification by the United States.  Under the terms of this treaty, parental rights would be replaced by "the best interests of the child" as defined by an international committee of 18 people in Switzerland.  

According to the ParentalRights.org website, government agencies would have the power to override your parental choices at their whim because they determine what is in "the best interest of the child."   

For example, if your child complains to his school counselor that you make him go to church against his will, a case could be made against you claiming that church is not in the child's best interest.  "This means that the burden of proof falls on the parent to prove to the State that they are good parents - when it should fall upon the State to prove that their investigation is not without cause."  (ParentalRights.org)

Judges across the United States are already denying parental rights.  Others refuse to recognize them because they are not explicitly protection in the United States Constitution.  ParentalRights. org seeks to add a constitutional amendment that "will ensure that the rights of parents to raise their children are honored by federal court judges and recognized above international law."  

I strongly advise you to become educated on this important issue and inform your elected representatives of your position.   

For more information, visit www.parentalrights.org.  

Hold on to your kids

"Parents are the pride of their children."  Proverbs 17:6b

Dr. Gabor Mate, co-author of the book Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Kids, offers a unique perspective on Attention Deficit Disorder.  He believes the root of the problem is not always a need for medication, but instead a damaged or missing relationship with a caring adult.  Current economic stresses, Mate says, may pull even more parents away from their children, with the need for parents to work a second job or longer hours.  

From the article below:

"There's nothing in the child's brain that says their attachment must be to mommy and daddy. There's no circuit that says that's the way it must be,"

So when parents are absent, or shut down an opportunity to build their relationship with their children, the kids seek that attachment from elsewhere-- if they're lucky another adult, but more commonplace in these times that child will seek that attachment from his or her peers.

That attachment happens physically and emotionally, through copying behaviour and through the dynamic of belonging and loyalty. But Mate said peers are ill equipped to provide the unconditional, loving relationship only parents or another caring adult can provide.

"Peers aren't meant to be Mother Nature's nurturers because they're immature," Mate said. "It takes a lot of maturity to stand for unconditional devotion even in difficult times. As a result, kids live with a lot of dissing, bullying, ostracization and avoidance... when that happens, development shuts down."

Theories aside, we all know how important the parent-child relationship is.  God Himself is a loving Father and a perfect role model for parenting.  One of his characteristics is His omnipresence.  He is always with us, always holding on to us.  

Even though we cannot be omnipresent to our children, we can make sure we fully present when we are with them.  Hold on tight.  

Children and teens out of control

Am I listening?

Life After High School:  The First Year by Derek Melleby

I've had this article from the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (CPYU) tickled for sometime and just got around to reading it today.  On the back of yesterday's post, I'd say it timed out well.  Melleby interviewed Tim Clydesdale, a sociology professor at The College of New Jersey and author of The First Year Out:  Understanding American Teens After High School.  Dr. Clydesdale conducted a six-year study following students from high school into their first year after high school.  

Here are a few excerpts:

CPYU: What was the most surprising thing you learned about teenagers from your research?

TC: I would say it was how open teens were to talking to a sympathetic adult listener. It was as if they yearned for a sounding board—a listening and engaged ear—and once they found it in the interview room, they poured out their hearts. Neither their parents nor their peers provided an unfettered place in which the teens could talk; it seems that the adults in teens’ lives were more interested in telling them something than they were in listening to them, and that friends were likewise so caught up in their own concerns they didn’t listen very much either. This reveals something about American culture—that we nurture individuals so consumed with themselves that we as a culture are losing our desire if not our ability to listen. Even well-meaning folks like teachers, parents and youth pastors get so caught up in conveying a set of ideas that they rarely let up on the barrage of information. Teens are drowning in competing claims for allegiance, and no one, it seems, is providing the time and space to sort through all of this.

CPYU: You write, “Few and far between are teens whose lives are shaped by purpose, who demonstrate direction, who recognize their interdependence with communities small and large, or who think about what it means to live in the biggest house in the global village.” Did you notice any difference with Christian students you interviewed, or would you say that this is true for most teens, regardless of religious affiliation?

TC: I found this to be true of most Christian students, even those who say their faith is “very important” to them. It seems most Christian students want to keep their faith in a nice safe box: they attend church, they read the Bible & pray, but they largely pursue the same work-spend-borrow-consume lifestyle that their non-Christian peers do. The majority of Christian teens are content to sprinkle their suburban middle-class aspirations with evangelical faith (again, not unlike most adult evangelicals). I did find some Christian teens (say 10-25 percent) who are open to questioning whether these suburban aspirations represent the life of radical discipleship to which Jesus calls his followers. Such teens want to think deeply about their faith and engage it with the wider world. Unfortunately, few of these youth possess the mentorship that nurtures this sort of faith development, and without it, the tug of work-spend-borrow-consume may ultimately prevail.

CPYU: “College transition” is currently a hot topic in youth ministry these days. Churches are reporting that more and more students walk away from the faith during the college years. What do you think are the implications of your research for youth pastors as they prepare students in their youth groups for college?

TC: Those who “walked away” from their faith during college made the decision to do so long before their college years—they just waited for the freedom of college to enact that choice. In many cases, these teens reported having important questions regarding faith during early adolescence (12-14 years old) that were ignored by their parents or pastors rather than taken seriously and engaged thoughtfully. It is in early adolescence that faith trajectories (along with other life trajectories) are set, thus early adolescence is the point when preparation must occur.