The wait is almost over

"Wait on the Lord:  be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart:  wait, I say, on the Lord."  Psalm 27:14

Do you remember the days of waiting for your child to be born?  You made all the necessary preparations to welcome a precious loved one into your home.  The house was cleaned from top to bottom, gifts were pouring in from friends and family, and the air was ripe with excitement over the impending birth.  As you waited, the days stretched out longer and longer, and you just couldn't wait for that baby to arrive!  

My prayer for you and your family is that your home is filled with the same excitement this week as you prepare to celebrate the birth of our Lord, and that the anticipation is indeed focused on His arrival.  Not just His coming over 2000 years ago, but His eventual return!  

Many blessings to all of you at this holy time of year,

Lisa

"We expect too much at Christmas.  It's got to be magical.  It's got to go right.  Feasting.  Fun  The perfect present.  All that anticipation.  Take it easy.  Love's the thing.  The rest is tinsel."  -- Pam Brown 

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude with teens

I know I've posted this link before in the newsletter, but it's worth giving again.  Some really great ideas to reach out to others and most of them are "unlame."  :)

30 Days of Thanksgiving:  Cultivating a Thankful Heart

Evangelical teens and sex

Yikes.  I am not even going to comment on this article.  You read, you decide, YOU comment!  

Red Sex, Blue Sex

A Potpourri of Parenting Possibilities

"Peace be with you, dear brothers and sisters, and may God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you love with faithfulness. May God’s grace be eternally upon all who love our Lord Jesus Christ.  Ephesians 6:23-24 (NLT)

A number of things have been piling up in my "to blog" file lately, and I wanted to get them out to you before they become stale or irrelevant.  I am in the midst of planning a huge event for Christian teens in our area, so I won't have time to comment on any of this, but please do the reading.  It's all great!  

The Top 10 Musical Artists That Capture Our Kids' Attention

Are You Winning the Battle and Losing the War For Your Kids?

Pastor Appreciation is an Attitude, Not an Event  (October is Clergy Appreciation Month)

"My mouth will speak words of wisdom; 
       the utterance from my heart will give understanding."  Psalm 49:3 (NIV)

Most people do not like to be considered an extremist; we envision ourselves as quite balanced in our thoughts and actions.  When it comes to teenagers, however, communication often becomes an issue of extremity for many parents.  There even seems to be a line drawn between Christians and nonbelievers on this issue.  

From my observation, Christian parents tend to be naggers (see article below).  We love to correct our children, don't we?  We see it as our God-directed obligation, and rightly so, but often how we go about it is the furthest thing from the heart of God.  

Nonbelievers, in general, have decided they would rather be friends with their children than parent them. They excuse away misbehavior and use their teens as an excuse to act like children themselves.  

I believe there is a middle ground which pleases the Lord.  I believe we can be both parent and friend to our children. It's all in the way we communicate.  

The following article has some very practical, thought-provoking ways to improve communication with our teenagers.  The article asks this tough question:  "Are your kids drawn to talk to you, or do your children spend a lot of time away from the family, either on the phone, texting, listening to music in their room, or playing video games?" It's normal for teens to detach themselves to a certain extent, but the question is, where is the majority of their time being spent?  

Please take the time to read this article and take it to heart, even if it stings a little.  Pray that Psalm 49:3 will become a reality in your parenting.  

Are You Nagging or Communicating?

Bad news for baggy pants haters...

I'm not sure there's anything sinful about baggy pants, but apparently it disturbed enough folks to get a law passed banning them. However, a Florida judge has deemed that law unconstitutional, so our hard-earned tax dollars will likely pay for this case to climb the courts. 

Baggy Pants Ruled Unconstitutional

My husband never got a law passed, but our son's baggy pants used to drive Dan crazy.  He instituted a belt requirement and occasionally would give a tug on Jeremy's pants to make sure he was in compliance.  On one such occasion, he happened to do so in the middle of a discount store, and ended up "pantsing" the boy in public! While it turned out to be a funny story that we laugh about in our family, I do not recommend this as a means of dealing with baggy pants. However, I do believe Jeremy did a better job of remembering his belt from then on!   

What do you think?  Are baggy pants morally reprehensible, or are the adults who passed this law being legalistic and uptight?  

Snurf-legal and dangerous new drug

"You don't need a telescope, a microscope, or a horoscope to realize the fullness of Christ, and the emptiness of the universe without him. When you come to him, that fullness comes together for you, too. His power extends over everything."  Colossian 2:10 (The Message)

It's hard to keep up with all the stuff out there that can be dangerous for our kids, so I try to stay on top of some of this stuff for you guys.  

There's a new drug causing quite a stir.  It's called Snurf; no, not the little blue guys from Saturday morning cartoons, those are Smurfs.  :)  Snurf is legally sold over the internet as an herbal supplement (although some of the so-called ingredients don't exist), and it landed four Pennsylvania teens in the hospital in the past week.  

Please read the link below to become familiar with this and other similar over-the-counter supplements that are being marketed to your kids.  Make sure you know the signs and symptoms of use and abuse. More importantly, TALK WITH YOUR KIDS about this stuff!  This opens the door for a great discussion about why people use and abuse drugs (i.e. what is missing in their lives?).  

Praying for you and your children,

Lisa

Growing Teen Abuse of Snurf Pills

Girls, girls, girls

“Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment.”  John 7:24

There is nothing new about teenage girls pushing the envelope with their fashion choices.  It’s no revelation that the media and the fashion world cater to that rebellion.  There are, however, some interesting new ideas about the reasons why girls act the way they do.  There are also indications of a turn in the tide for feminism, a step in the right direction (in my opinion). 

Check out the articles below (I’ve included a snippet from each one).  There’s some thought provoking stuff here.  I’ll leave you to your own conclusions.  J

Time Magazine:  The Truth about Teen Girls

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1840556,00.html

“There are lots of reasons to worry about adolescent girls having sex too early .   But is it the sex we're worried about or the sexiness? Is it what they do or how they look? And whose problem is this anyway?”

ABC News:  Some Say It’s OK for Girls to Go Wild

http://abcnews.go.com/US/Health/story?id=2798436&page=1

“’Putting up pictures of yourself scantily dressed on MySpace is, in a way, kind of a good sign,’ he said. ‘The good news is that it's somebody who isn't horrified by their appearance. Also if they get some positive response, that can be very supportive.’"

 "’Adults think that kids take everything literally -- if [teens] pose in a bikini, they're suddenly sexually active,’ she said. ‘It's odd that adults who are supposed to think more conceptually are thinking so concretely.’"

 

Parent Dish:  It’s Not Bad to be Good

http://www.parentdish.com/2007/07/20/its-not-bad-to-be-good

“I was getting all the wrong attention from men. I wanted them to like me for me, but my "look" wasn't attracting that. I wish someone had been there to guide me, to show me that there was an alternative. (Someone other than my mother that is.) I wish someone was out there making it cool to be good.”

 

Toronto Star:  How the ‘Bad’ Girl Became Good

http://www.thestar.com/living/article/236893

"Looking ‘wild’ and acting ‘wild’ are supposed to be empowering, but more often they lead to misery, especially for young women who quickly learn to put their emotions in deep freeze to do what is expected.”

Talking to teens about TV role models

Integrating faith and culture is not always an easy thing to do.  Here's a great discussion tool from Common Sense Media when watching TV with your teens, which I highly recommend if your kids enjoy the teen dramas (soap operas).  

Talking to kids about role models

In God We Trust?

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; and the knowledge of the holy is understanding."  Proverbs 9:10

This week, several well-meaning American Christians sent me an email urging me to vote in an online MSNBC poll about whether or not we should keep the phrase "In God We Trust" on our currency.  

For those of you living outside the United States, there is a California lawyer who is suing to have the phrase removed because it is a violation of the principle of separation of church and state (which is a phrase thrown around by people who clearly do not understand our country's Constitution).  

Like most Christians, my first reaction to this issue was indignation.  How could they?  What a slap in the face to God!  This country would be nowhere without His blessing.  

Upon further reflection, however, I've decided not to take sides.  It's really OK with me one way or the other.  Before you threaten to take away my "Christian badge" or accuse me of being unpatriotic, let me explain why.  

If we keep it, atheists should relax and be OK with it.  They all have a god in whom they trust; they just don't realize it.  It's usually themselves.  So they can  simply look at their money and say, "In me I trust."  

If we don't keep it, Christians should be OK with it too.  After all, I'm not sure that phrase applies to our country anymore.  Do we really trust in God, as a nation?  The evidence points to the contrary.  We trust in politicians, celebrities, money, power, beauty, and a host of other things that come before God.  

Most importantly, whether or not we have that phrase on our money, God is still God.  He is still on the Throne, and Jesus is still Lord of all, even over the mighty and powerful United States.  In the end, that's really all that matters.  

Tender

Tenderize: to make tender, as by pounding or by a chemical process or treatment. 

My husband’s family has taken a pounding this week with the passing of my father-in-law.  We’ve been talking a lot about the legacy he left, but some of that legacy is yet to come.  Just as we are seeing the effects of his life, we are also experiencing the effects of his death. 

If you’ve ever had a loved one die, you remember the feeling of first receiving the news.  It’s like a kick to the stomach, a punch to the face, and a blow to the heart all at once.  Your mind, body and spirit take a beating. 

Alongside the tears, I’ve witnessed a “tenderizing” in many family members.  Suddenly everyone is much kinder to one another, more attuned to each other’s needs, and more compassionate and caring.  There are more hugs and more “I love you”s.  There is an abundance of grace and forgiveness. 

However, it takes more than a pounding to produce a palatable piece of meat.  We’ve all been seasoned by the love and support of friends, and now we will go through the fire of grief.  I pray that when we are done, we will be “the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing” (2 Corinthians 2:15).  And hopefully, if we willingly accept the pounding, we will continue to be tender.  

Teens and sexual sin: how to deal

I came across this thoughtful, well-written piece today on teens and sexual brokenness.  The article gives a Biblical perspective and response for parents who discover their teen is in sexual sin of any kind.  

Dealing with sexual brokenness in teens

Something worse than MySpace? (gasp!)

You had to know there would be something coming.  Enter virtual world, IMVU.com.  Teens can pick up girls (or boys), get a virtual lap dance, or meet a stranger and give them a cyber French kiss, all in 3-D.  You will want to read this review of the site:

The Hottest Virtual Teenage Hangout...A Little Too "Hot"

Truth uncovered: There is no money tree!

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'"  Hebrews 13:5 (NIV)

I remember one time when I was very young, I asked my father to buy me a record album.  He said, "OK, well, I will just go out in the back yard and get some money off the money tree!"  I was too young to understand sarcasm, and for weeks I kept searching my back yard for that tree.  

I'm sure many of us have used that expression with our kids as well. We may be using it more often these days, as prices soar and wages remain the same.  As our teens prepare to go out in the world, they need to have good money-management skills with a godly approach.  

A couple of PARENtEEN readers sent me links to some helpful articles below (thank you, Matthew and Allison!).  

Ways To Teach Kids That Money Doesn't Grow on Trees by Eric Tyson encourages us to use the economic crunch as an opportunity to teach our children the real value of money.  

Stop Overindulging Your Children by Jill Rigby teaches parents how to stop falling for the nag factor.  

Below are some more resources for you to check out:

Teaching appreciation diminishes the impact of materialism (Harris Interactive survey)

Material world teens (Center for Parent/Youth Understanding)

Teaching your teen to budget (Family Education)

Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl

My daughter alerted me to a new song that is outrageous enough to be making waves on the top 40 chart.  It's called, "I Kissed A Girl," performed by Katy Perry.  Here are the lyrics:

This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter
You're my experimental game
Just human nature
It's not what, good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

 

I hate to even give press to this song, but parents, this is a great opportunity to talk to your teens about homosexuality.  With the recent legislation in California, stories of gay marriages are plastered in every form of media.  Not only is homosexuality becoming widely accepted, it is glorified and even celebrated.

This song encourages sexual experimentation and sends a message that it's "no big deal."  Our kids need to know that this behavior is wrong in God's eyes, and more importantly, they need to know why. They need to know that God has a better plan, a perfect plan for their sexuality. They need to know they are being deceived by the world.  

Chances are, your teens have friends or acquaintances who are gay. This is also a great time to talk about how we should treat homosexuals.  Teens need to know that just because we don't agree with the behavior, we must love all people who are lost and confused. That is part of the greatest commandment.  

Another interesting side note on Katy Perry:  she is the daughter of two pastors, and she released a Christian album under her real name, Katy Hudson, back in 2001.  

For more help on this subject, check out CPYU's 3-D review below:

I Kissed A Girl

Fathers of all kinds

Happy Father's Day to all our dad readers!  I hope you got lots of accolades, a little rest, and no neckties.  

You may have noticed this blog has been quiet the past few weeks.  Our family was going through a season which kept me physically busy and mentally drained.  My youngest daughter spent the better part of May trying to get her asthma under control, which meant lots of sleepless nights for Mom.  I, in turn, had a compromised immune system and ended up getting sick, just about the time my husband accompanied his father to Arizona for a risky, experimental heart surgery.  I am thankful to say that all went well, and his dad is back home recuperating.  We are all mended now and back to our "normal" amount of crazy.  :)

This Father's Day was a mix of emotions for me.  I still miss my dad, who is celebrating in heaven for the second year, but it was great to celebrate my father-in-law being here after (once again) defying the medical odds.  

Today was also the last day for our church's senior pastor, who God is calling on a great faith adventure.  I think it was appropriate that we celebrated him today, as he has been a remarkable spiritual father to his congregation.  I encourage you to check out the link below to a newspaper article about Pastor David Holt.  He is truly inspiring.

That also means I will be saying goodbye to one of my favorite women, Dede Holt.  She has been a tireless supporter of PARENtEEN and a dear friend.  I know it will only be a temporary goodbye (and thank God for e-mail!), but I will miss her smile and sweet Georgia accent.  Love you, Dede!

Farewell, Pastor Holt: Longtime evangelical leader returning to his Georgia roots

Making the most of summer

I have a love/hate relationship with summer.  I love being able to stay up late and sleep in, and I enjoy a more relaxed schedule of activities.  That's about it; I hate the heat and humidity, the bugs, the storms, and yard work.  When my kids were younger, there was the added challenge of keeping them busy (i.e., entertained).  By mid-July, I felt like Julie, the cruise director on "The Love Boat," and my children were definitely not into shuffleboard!  

One summer, the light bulb went on, and I discovered I possessed cheap labor within my own house.  Why, I could put these little munchkins to work and really accomplish something over the summer!  This genius plan had to be carried out with great finesse, however, because the workers could not know they were actually doing chores.  That would never fly.  

I began by casting a vision of the future, planting dreams of complete freedom and independence.  Anyone with teenagers knows it's not hard to get them thinking about the day they will be on their own.  After hearing their grandiose ideas of life without parental interference, I reminded them of those pesky little realities of life.  You know, things like doing your cooking, cleaning and laundry, buying your own groceries and (gasp!) paying your own bills.  

"Wouldn't it be so much easier if you already knew how to do all those things?" I inquired.  Okay, so their response was less than enthusiastic, but at least they had some positive motivation to do a little work.  

For some specific ideas, check out the article below.  It was written for children ages 6-12, but most of the suggestions fit teens as well.  And remember, one day they WILL thank you!  

Educational Summer Activities

Tween queen for a day

Today's birthday at my house isn't making me feel any younger either.  Emma, my "baby", turned 11 and is firmly entrenched in all that is tween.  That means Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, and a host of other Disney and Nickelodeon stars are pretty big at our house.  That also means the teen years are not far off.  I think I can FEEL the gray hairs creeping in already!    

Emma has been struggling with a severe asthma flare-up for the past week, so she hasn't felt well on her special day.  I'm sure she'd appreciate prayers for quick healing!    

22 years young

"Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth."  Psalm 127:4

It's one of those days that will forever be burned in my memory.  Every detail remains clear, right down to what I was wearing.  It was a day that changed my life forever; it was the day I became a parent.  

I was just one week shy of 22 years old when that whopping ten pound, redhead baby boy made his first appearance in the world.  Today, the now six-foot lanky young man turns 22 himself.  I have a new perspective about how young I really was when Jeremy was born.  No wonder I felt so clueless as a new parent!  

Through the years, he has been the child who could always make me laugh and was always humble enough to be able to laugh at himself, a quality I admire and aspire to.  Jeremy's smile is contagious, and I know it's the reason why God gave him those dimples.

Of course, I shed a few tears over my son as well, mostly during his teen years.  And I must say, he was probably the reason for most of the gray hairs I now have.  Still, I'm thankful for the lessons learned (for both of us).  

He is the arrow, I am the warrior, and I've had to release him to the world, knowing full well that God is sovereign over where he will land.  

Happy birthday, Jeremy!

    

Happy Mother's Day!

May madness has begun at our house.  It begins tomorrow with Mother's Day, followed by four birthdays in 11 days at our house!  We also have about a dozen family members celebrating birthdays and anniversaries in May, not to mention graduations, end-of-the-school year concerts and recitals.  By the time May is over, I'm as ready for summer vacation as the kids are!  

Just another reason to marvel at my own mother and how she managed to keep our household running without a hitch.  I'm not sure I inherited her energy or organizational ability!  

Tonight I am lifting up a prayer for all the moms out there, especially mothers of teenagers.  I pray that God will give you a day of appreciation for your cherubs, no matter how un-precious they may be right now.  :)

Happy Mother's Day!

Great expectations?

This article raises some interesting questions; such as, are we more interested in our teens' morality or in their relationship with Jesus?  Or are the expectations we place on our teenagers unrealistic and burdensome?  I'd love to hear what all of you think.  

High School Students Feel the Weight

Discrimination against teens

My 17-year-old daughter has mentioned many times that she feels discriminated against when she goes shopping.  "Just because I'm a teenager, the clerks automatically think I'm a shoplifter too," she'll say.  She's probably right, but I remind her that they are just doing their job.  

This article came to my attention today.  I didn't realize until I got to the end that is was written by a teen (who happens to be a very eloquent writer!).  He makes some valid claims about discrimination, but more so, he gives adults a fresh perspective on how they view teenagers.  

'Teenism' gives young adults an undeserved rep

Aggressive girls

On a recent Wednesday night at youth group, I was sauntering down the halls of the church, minding my own business.  I looked ahead to see the mother of one of our students making a beeline for me.  Any experienced youth worker will tell you, when a parent approaches you, it's rarely to give a compliment.  Something is usually wrong.  I breathed a quick prayer and braced myself for whatever criticism was coming.  But this woman caught me completely off guard.  

With an urgency in her voice, she said, "Can you help me with something?  My son is being harassed by some girls here at church.  They keep approaching him and asking him to go out.  They play with his hair and hug him without his permission.  Now they are starting to call our house at all hours of the night.  It's making him uncomfortable, and we don't know what to do!"

I was even more stunned to discover the identity of the girls who were involved.  They were girls in the small group I was leading.  These were Christian girls growing up in good homes with caring parents.  How could this be?

I promised the mother I would speak with the girls.  When I asked them about their relationship with the boy, they saw nothing wrong with their behavior.  They viewed it as innocent flirting and nothing more.  We had a very long talk that night about appropriate conduct towards young men and how their actions affect others.  

Apparently, this is a growing problem.  Check out the article below by Dennis Rainey of Family Life for tips on protecting your sons and training your daughters.  

Protecting Your Son From Aggressive Girls 

Thanks to my big brother Larry for bringing this to my attention!  

Welcome to PARENtEEN!

Hey everybody!  Welcome to the new PARENtEEN blog.  If you are new here, you are entering a community of parents, youth workers and teens who want to better their relationships.  We are all in this together, so feel free to post comments and helpful links to resources.  I look forward to our new adventure, and as always, I am praying for you and your children!