Dads, you should tell them

A few nights ago, I was watching the movie, "A Walk in the Clouds." In one scene, Paul (the son-in-law) of a vineyard owner (Alberto) is trying to get through to his father-in-law. The dialogue went like this:

Paul: For four years that I've been at war, to do what I had to do, I had to keep myself

closed off. What's your reason?

Alberto: What are you talking about? Reason for what?

Paul: For shutting your daughter out of your heart. Can't you see how amazing she is? How alive? My whole life, I've dreamed of getting the kind of love your daughter tries to give you.

I would die for what you have. Why can't you just love her? She's so easy to love.

Alberto: You know nothing about my daughter! You hear me? Nothing!

Paul: I know that she is good...and strong...and deserves all the love this world has to give. Can't you see that? How wonderful...how special she is?

Alberto: You see this? This land...this vineyard! This is 365 days a year. Who do you think

I do this for? For them! All of them! I love my family!

Paul: You should let them know it.

Ouch. This took me back to memories of my own father. He worked hard and did well to provide for his family. I know now that was his way of showing love to his family, but when I was a teenager, I wished for more. More encouragement, more affection, more "I love you"s. Later in life, my dad fulfilled those wishes, and I'm thankful for that. I just hope to encourage all you dads out there (and moms!) to strive for more.

I just finished reading an article by Paul Robertson, Youth Culture Specialist for Youth Unlimited, entitled Strong Fathers in Challenging Times. He discusses the five roles fathers are required to play: participator, playmate, principled guide, provider, and preparer. At the end of the article, he refers to his own research of what young people are looking for in their father:

First, they expect their fathers to ask them how they are doing, how their day was and then take time to listen to their answers. They need to know their father cares about them. In one survey, 73 percent of our teens said having someone to listen to them is “very, very important.” The Internet may be a great place to chat, but is anyone really listening?

Second, they expect their fathers to be consistent and to model the behavior and beliefs they talk about. Fathers are expected to teach moral beliefs and standards, and to be an example. Teens hate hypocrisy and double standards. They want authenticity in their media world of shallowness and lies.

Third, young people long for fathers to love them unconditionally. They need to know that regardless of how stupid they can be, their dad will love them “no matter what.” Teens want to see the emotional and compassionate side of the man they look up to. It makes their fathers human in a rather impersonal, technological world.

Fourth, girls want their fathers to treat them with respect both verbally and physically. Dads need to set the standard for what their daughters should expect from the other men in their life. Honoring your daughter makes her feel worthy and loved and helps her get beyond the simple notion of being an “object” in her youth culture.

Fifth, as much as they need guidance they also need freedom. Freedom is earned as they prove they are responsible. Preparing your teens to live in the real world is a long and complicated process but very rewarding when done properly.

No doubt we live in a busy world where everyone’s schedule is more than full. Fathers feel the pressure—often feeling no one else understands—of providing for the family while juggling a hundred other important issues. However, in the end, dads only get one chance to raise their kids properly. If as one mother said, “When you die, the only thing you take with you is the love and memories of your children,” then the question becomes, “What will their memories of us be?”

Dads, we know it's not always easy, but continue to let your family know how much you love them. My prayer is that they will do the same for you, this Sunday and every day. Happy Father's Day!

Below are links to a few other great articles on fathers:

Father of the Teen: Growing Up With Your Kids

Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear Dads Say/Top 10 Things Dads Say

Father/Daughter Relationships Lead to More Girls Following Dad's Career Path

Father Memories