I have yet to see an article suggesting I talk to my daughter about romance.
When I was her age (13), I was not very interested in sex. But I was definitely interested in romance. My mind played a thousand scenarios a day of various boyfriends. They would say the sweetest things to me, look lovingly into my eyes, and hold me in just the right way. These imaginary lovers never pressured me to have sex. They just LOVED me. And let's face it, that's what most females want: to be loved.
My desire to be loved was only fueled by soap operas (daytime and nighttime) and romance novels. My own mother never saw anything wrong with these things; she indulged in them herself. Maybe they weren't dangerous for her. But they drove me into a fantasy world where no real-life man could compete. I began to set expectations that were unrealistic, without even realizing it.
I can honestly say, those mind games were a large factor in ruining my first marriage, which happened at a young age. Eventually, I grew up and learned what was real, but I still grieved for that which might never be.
So I am here today to tell you, before you ever have the sex talk with your daughter, have the romance talk first. If you watch romantic movies or shows together, help her distinguish between what is realistic and what is not. Help her understand what men are really like, putting aside any personal vendettas. Show her what she should expect realistically, and what is merely fantasy.
Someday, you'll still need to have the sex talk. But this will go a long way for now.
4 comments:
Awesome post Lisa-- as always :) It's a great perspective, and one we overlook far, far too often. I'm sorry you were so hurt by all that garbage, but I'm glad you're able to pass the knowledge on to others, like me! Keep teaching; your wisdom is worth it.
An ideal place to start the conversation is with those soap operas or other television shows. If you are looking for it, it is very easy to show how unrealistic these shows are.
When teaching about romance, don't forget to teach that we woman have our own role. It is so easy to get caught up in what we want. In a true romance, both are giving to each other.
Great thoughts, and so true. I as an early teen was obsessed with 'falling in love.' I read book after book after book of teenage romance, and no one thought to redirect me. Good thoughts, and good reminder.
Lisa, this is incredibly wise!
Why are there so few Christians bringing up this topic? We talk about men struggling with thoughts of "perfect women," but rarely does someone suggest that women have false ideas about "perfect men" or "the perfect romance."
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